Some people might curse and accuse me for this, but I personally thankful. Hari ini adalah hari kedua setelah Survei Verifikasi Akreditasi RS, satu-satunya hal yang menguras tenaga dan pikiran 64 orang di RS ini dalam beberapa bulan terakhir, and in the moment of Ramadhan, it feels awful. Last year's accreditation also happened on Ramadhan, even that's our first time ever, the big one, this year's just the verification. But this year's the hardest, probably for every single one of us. It's exhausting, and so much depressing, lebih banyak emosi yang terkuras tapi pada akhirnya saat telah selesai, relieve yang terasa nggak sebesar tahun lalu.
Tahun lalu, meskipun sejak awal Ramadhan udah persiapan akreditasi, tapi gue masih bisa ngerasain the spirit of Ramadhan, mom cooked often unlike this year when she didn't at all, Indonesia didn't surrounded by so much rasist people, and I can also feel joy even I worked hard a lot, too. Bahkan akreditasi tahun lalu 3 hari, plus H-1 dimana kita buka puasa di Hotel Horrison bersama para surveior, tahun ini hanya sehari. Entah apakah itu yang membuat kita nggak terlalu menganggap ini penting, kemudian mengabaikannya dan menemukan fakta bahwa ini penting kemudian kita kelabakan. Apakah karena boss baru? Gue nggak tau juga, tapi yang jelas keadaan disini tidak terlalu menyenangkan, kemunafikan yang terlihat sudah semakin nyata, some people are don't even hesitate to strike another, and I, on the other hand, are fully prepared to go on a war, too, just in case. Last year, I seldomly don't iftar at home, but this year, I can count the days when I did that at home and 80% of that aren't so much good because it'll end up with a small fight. This blog post even unorganized. Alurnya berantakan, bahasanya kacau. Last year I also had an affair which I have to admit made me a lil bit happier, I turned into a new person who loved to spend so much time with family, ah...That may be the cause of small number of family fight last year. That's mysterious and still unclear, but certainly the happy puppy love me is one of the main reason why I don't upset much when I have to do any family activity. In the next 3-4 months I'm gonna be married, and that hopefully not one of the reason why I'm so upset and everything feels so chaotic. Anyway! God I missed the main point. Tahun ini Ramadhan tak terasa seperti biasa, maybe it's my fault but I don't feel the much joy and happiness as I felt many years behind that I can still remember how it felt. Just by rememberring it, I have the enough number of warm to fill my heart right now and I almost cry, but I don't. Can't. I'm at work right now. My boss haven't arrived yet so I still have much time. Minggu depan udah lebaran tapi sekarang gue masih di kantor, and it didn't feels right. Tahun lalu padahal masih masuk setengah hari pas malam takbiran, but everything still feels right. Since I don't know what to do in my spare time, I read the last chapter of What Light, only few pages left. And the story pf magical christmas night touch me. I SHOULD TAKE A DAY OFF. As much as I don't want it because this year I grew up into a rebel person who don't like my family and my religion, I need to feel the magical moment of Ramadhan as it happened to other people. I don't know how I'm gonna have it, but I have to. There's nothing left to do at the office, I should probably gone home. I don't know what am I gonna do but I'm gonna try it anyway. Ramadhan passed by so fast that we don't even know it, now it's almost over and I haven't done anything about it.
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March 2018
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