Hello, World :) I was gone for about 5 months and now I hope I can start planning and journaling again. Is it weird that my comeback moment is on May as Mental Health Awareness month? I just realized it and it's pretty funny, I guess. My absence has something to do with that, and I promised you I'm about to create something new, right? Well, it's also have a connection with my new identity, I'm a Mental Health Bullet Journalist right now. Start from now on I'm gonna create a series of Bullet Journal about Mental Health, and because I'm so into blue I'm gonna named it Blue Mental Health Bullet Journal, waaaay too obvious, ya? Haha I actually hope that I don't have to begin this post with introduction like "Hi my name is Pinta and I've been struggling with bla bla bla, so I decide to fight my demons using Bullet Journal, I'm not a clinical psychologist or therapist but...bla bla bla..." stuff like that. But apparently it has to. I read many article about this online and the basic template for things like this are:
...yeah, sort of. #triggerwarning If you experience suicidal thought or having mental illness, the following post could be potentially triggering. If you need help please contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 7441741 (US) or contact LSM Jangan Bunuh Diri at [email protected] phone at 021-996969293 (Indonesia). First thing first, I'm not a fan of basic rules. But lately I've learned that if you want to show how you care about suicide prevention and mental health issues, you can't just walk out the street naked and yelling "Mental illness is as important as physical illness!" or "Silence means shaming, we should start talk about mental health start from NOW!" and what I mean by naked is not literally naked without clothes, but without knowledge. I learned that the base of suicide prevention promotion is science, and it have to science, data and shits like that, otherwise, what come out from your mouth are nonsense. Sure intuition, feelings, guts, personal opinion and or experience are important too, but this is the life of someone that we are talking about, so we better play safety. And mental illness are dynamic, it's not always 100% same with each person, even the scientifically proven methods can't always have the same result with different person. And, oh my God this is too much, haha. Bottom line is, I began to realize that basic rules are important, when we talked about mental health, we should follow the rules. No matter how hard it is. So, Hi, my name is Pinta. I have clinical depression and I'm suicidal. Boy that was difficult. *editing* *editing* Chronologically, depression came first then Bullet Journal few years later. But I've always been a fan or art eventough I'm really suck at it! Haha. I actually wanted to start this Bullet Journal for Mental Health series long time ago when I read a BuzzFeed article about Bullet Journal for Mental Health, but feels like I never had the time to do that. Right now I'm volunteering in a Suicide Prevention community in Indonesia named Into The Light, and at one of our session, every single one of us had to make our own self branding that have mental health related label on it. So when everyone else made cool names like Compassion and Mental Health Promotor, Digital and Mental Health Enthusiast, Mental Health Data Translator, Developmental Devotee, Stigma Breaker and Advocate, the only thing that came to my mind was Mental Health Bullet Journalist. I was looking for something that related to administration or my profession as a medical secretary but that's not related with mental health or suicide prevention, I can't say Mental Health Secretary, right?! So it's settled. I'm a Mental Health Bullet Journalist. I immediately thinking about Anna from @alukewarmmess, Monika from @livejoyfulandhealthy, or @bullet.journal.therapy who have been constantly creating, posting, and promoting mental health with bullet journal long time before me. Those people are goddess. I'm not even quite like them but I want to be like them. I may have nothing right now, and my brain is still difficult in processing all the knowledge that I suddenly get but I will fight and I will transform that knowledge into something that people can see from my bullet journal spread. Right now in the break of typing this, I randomly rubbing my blue sapphire wedding ring and looking at my stack of washi tapes while wondering should I take my own life right now or not, is my husband will come home find me dead and this post will go unpublished or what? I'm trying to help myself by making this, and hopefully it will help you too. Additional notes, in short words, perhaps the explanation is like this “I am stupid, but I care.” about this mental health awareness stuff. My excuse is I’ve been working for almost 3 years in a place where you can actually left your brain at home and not bring it to work because it won’t be needed anyway, extra 3 more years at college where I’ve been taught about how to work on a place where thinking won’t be necessary, so I hope you do understand how hard it is for me to start thinking about the science behind all of this post or how exactly journaling related with some neurological thing behind your brain. I would really love to give you a psychological theory about how bullet journal can be good for your mental health but sadly I can’t (I actually have a plan to ask my friends on Into The Light Indonesia who must be smarter than me or make an exclusive interview post with badass Mental Health Bullet Journalist out there but I’m very nervous and still don’t have the courage to do that) so until that day I’ll just quote some of the things that I read at BuzzFeed’s article that you can find here. The article was actually very fascinating to me, they talked to actual Clinical Psychologist and she said fancy stuff about bullet journaling, so cool, literally, this is what she said: “When your life and emotions feel so out of control or chaotic, there is something immensely therapeutic about organizing it into a systematic structure like a bullet journal. You lay things out in an aesthetically pleasing way and already it feels more manageable. Like you can really tackle it and make it through. It feels luxurious, too. It’s like saying ‘I’m worth it. I’m worth this notebook and the time it takes to turn it into something beautiful.’” Fyuh, that gave me chill. And I might gonna quote more of that article in one or two or...20 of my future posts because yeah I don’t have any article to support my post, that one thing that I learned from Into The Light Indonesia is that you can’t talk about mental health and suicide prevention without science based evidence that I already said above. So I guess I don’t have to be more specific about the “I’m not a licensed therapist or bla bla bla…” because it is very obvious that I’m nobody. Later, some people may find this series of post very shallow and or full of bullcrap and yes that’s true. All I have just this courage to talk about things that majority of people won’t talk because they think that mental illness isn’t real illness because it’s invisible and have this willingness inside to try help people even when I don’t have the resource. (My apology, my life just full of bad and negative words that people say about me so I became very defensive). I just hope that later I can write more about actual science here and I hope you guys wanna stick around here until the day is come. Oh speaking about sticking around, I realized that it is hard for me too to come out and I believe there must be some bad thought and bad words will come to me afterwards in my personal life, also maybe mental health isn’t my not-so-many-followers favorite topic or theme, I just hope that you guys willing to stay here with me though this change, and I can’t thank you enough for your understanding. So… This is my series of the Blue Mental Health Bullet Journal, every week I will make one post about bullet journal for mental health. I will continue editing the links as the week goes by and the post will be updated. Please note that the number or the posts are not steps that you have to go through, you can pick anything you like and don't have to try every single of the idea here. Enjoy :)
ps: hey there, just want to thank you for coming here and read this post. I really appreciate it. I love you, you are strong and you are precious. We can get through this together, just don't give up right now, okay, promise me?
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May 2018
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